I Identify as a 3 (I am Worthy of Love Anyway)

I’ve gotten pretty into the Enneagram stuff lately. If you don’t know, the Enneagram is a personality test and description that aims to help you better understand yourself and others, and spur growth both personally and spiritually. There are nine different types and as you might have gathered from the title of this blog, I identify as a three. 

What does that mean? Well, a lot actually. But to try and give a brief description, I pulled this from the www.enneagramatwork.com. 

“Threes are feeling-based types, but they channel their emotional energy into getting things done. They take the initiative and work hard to accomplish their goals. They are highly adaptable, and they excel at “feeling out” and meeting the expectations of others when that will lead them to success. They like to stay active and on the go, so it’s hard to stop or slow down. Their focus on keeping up their image and achieving results can get in the way of personal needs and health. 

American business is a particularly strong three-culture where performers get a lot of positive reinforcement for being productive and efficient. A danger for Threes is concentrating on external praise or material rewards while losing contact with who they are inside. It’s difficult for them to step out of their roles, feel their own feelings, and decide for themselves what is important.

And this is from www.enneagraminstitute.com 

“Threes try to deny their shame, and are potentially the most out of touch with underlying feelings of inadequacy. Threes learn to cope with shame by trying to become what they believe a valuable, successful person is like. Thus, Threes learn to perform well, to be acceptable, even outstanding, and are often driven relentlessly in their pursuit of success as a way of staving off feelings of shame and fears of failure.” 

I definitely recommend this website if you’re interested in learning more about the enneagram. 

SO if you’ve stuck with me this long, first, thanks! Second, you may start see that a trend in this is how important success is to me. I very much so value being successful and people viewing me as successful. It’s what pushes me to do a good job and motivates many of my actions. And this desire for success is in pretty much in all aspects of my life. I want to the be the best that I can be in my job, my relationships, when I play games with my friends, the way I lead my team, the number of views I get on my blogs, and even in the way I follow Christ. Now, this can sometimes be a bad thing but it can also be a really great thing too! Like I said, it’s what motivates me and being successful isn’t a bad thing. The trouble comes in when I believe that my worth comes from the things that I do. It starts to be a problem when I feel like I’m only loved because of the ways I’m successful or that if I’m not successful I am not loved. These things aren’t true. 

This is a big part of how I operate and some of the things I struggle with. I know that I am loved by God and by others not because of my actions but simply because I am me. I know that if I fail, that does not label me a failure or ruin people’s view of me. It means I am an imperfect human who is in need of the perfect unfailing love that is in Jesus Christ. I know that nothing I can do, success or failure, will ever change God’s love for me to be better or worse. I KNOW these things but I often need to be reminded of them. 

Today, God did exactly that, I was reading through my favorite chapter in the Bible, Isaiah 55, and came to verse 4, 

“Behold, I made him [David] a witness to the peoples, a leader and commander for the people’s.”

Short and simple but like the Word of God can so eloquently do, it made a big impact on me. David’s reign was far from perfect yet he is shown here as a valuable leader. 

He became King of Israel through a lot of struggle and difficulty. He fell into terrible crime and wrongdoing, and was involved in murder and adultery. Incest, rape, and murder were  committed by his own children. And his rule was scarred by an nasty civil war. Yet through all of this David is lifted up here as a great leader of God’s people! David’s heart after God meant more than outward success. It was a sweet reminder from God this morning that my heart after him means more than anything I could ever accomplish. And while my successes are good things they are not what defines me and makes me successful. I hope to be a successful leader in my life but more so I hope be a woman after Gods own heart.

To wrap up this blog I want to leave you with lyrics from the song “Three” by Sleeping at Last. It’s a song that was written for threes and the lyrics are from the viewpoint of a three. I find that there are things in this song that are super helpful in reminding myself what is truth. 

Maybe I’ve done enough,
and your golden child grew up.
Maybe this trophy isn’t real love-
and with or without it, I’m good enough.

Maybe I’ve done enough,
finally catching up.
For the first time I see an image of
my brokenness utterly worthy of love.
Maybe I’ve done enough.

I finally see myself.
through the eyes of no one else.
It’s so exhausting on this silver screen
where I play the role of anyone but me.

I finally see myself.
Unabridged and overwhelmed,
a mess of a story I’m ashamed to tell,
but I’m slowly learning how to break this spell.
And I finally see myself.

now I only want what’s real-
to let my heart feel what it feels.
Gold, silver or bronze hold no value here,
where work and rest are equally revered.

I only want what’s real-
I set aside the highlight reel,
and leave my greatest failures on display

worthy of love anyway. 

I identify as a three. I fail. I sin. I mess up. I am not always successful. I am imperfect. 

I AM WORTHY OF LOVE ANYWAY