I Look Too Much Like the Church

For the past three weeks we’ve been working with a ministry here in Costa Rica called Til He Returns. They hold a very small house church in the community center on Sundays. 

This is my journal entry from my first Sunday experiencing church with them: 

“Wow. I’m at church at Hope Project. It’s a bunch of people with tattoos that can really dance. Their worship to the Lord is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. I feel kind of out of place in this space, not at all because they are unwelcoming. They are exactly the opposite. They truly accept everyone who comes through that door and it’s amazing. What a mesh of people we have in this place. Wow. 

But I think what’s got me is, looking the way people want me to is important to me or at least it used to be. I’ve started being able to live a more authentic life over the past several years. But I come into this space and not only do I not look like these people but they don’t want me to. 

There’s not a mold to fit in. 

What am I supposed to look like when they just want me to look like who Christ has created me to be? 

There is freedom here and it’s beautiful. The past two weeks have been me trying to figure out how I need to change so people don’t get mad at me. 

But no more. 

I’m not going back to living my life changing who I am for others. There is freedom and I am choosing to walk in it.”

I grew up in the church. I’ve been deeply following the Lord as Lord of my life for 10 years. How is it possible that I had to ask myself only a couple weeks ago, “What am I supposed to look like when they just want me to look like who Christ has created me to be?” 

If I grew up surrounded by people who love God shouldn’t I already know the answer to that question? Why was the expectation put on me to look like the church instead of to look like Christ? Sure, the words of the church say, “Look like Christ.” but the actions of the people say, “Look like us.”

I don’t want to bash the way church functions because God for sure moves. He’s spoken to me time after time in the typical American church setting. But we do need to consider some things. 

We love people but we’re selective about it. We say all the time the truth, “It’s not about works. It’s about relationship with God.” but how are people supposed to have an authentic relationship with him when they can’t be authentically themselves in the church? In the house of the one they’re supposed to have relationship with? 

Why do we all look the same when God has created us SO DIFFERENT from one another for a purpose? Why do we all look the same when we each hold a unique way of glorifying The Lord that no one else has? We are all striving to look like the same tiny piece of Christ we see in each other when we should all be striving to look like Christ himself. I believe our God is so big and so great that we have the ability to look like a totally different part of the Lord than the world has even seen! 

And I use the word “we” because I do this too! I’ve expected people to look a certain way to be a Christ follower. But not anymore. I want people to be who Christ has created them to be so I can experience and see a new part of God I’ve never seen before. 

We have to stop trying to control people. Stop being afraid they’re going to mess up. Stop believing Christ is only going to show up in others the same as he does in ourselves. 

The church needs more freedom. 

I look too much like the Church and and not enough like Christ. But that’s changing little by little everyday.