What a crazy few months it’s been since I was evacuated out of Africa. You’d think that being stuck inside my house and not being able to go anywhere exciting would allow life to calm down a bit but that’s not that case.
Here’s some back story before I get into the past two months.
If you know me at all you probably know that my two passions are camp ministry and missions. Eventually I would love to be a Missions Director at a camp here in the United States. For the past 5 years I have gone back and forth working at camps and going on mission trips. This summer was to be the first summer where those two passions were going to come together for me. I was going to be a Missions Squad Leader for Student Life Camp. This was the camp I grew up going to and was honestly ecstatic to have this job.
Notice how I used the word “was”. That’s because this isn’t the case anymore. When I was pulled from Africa I was okay. I knew God had a plan and I was excited to see what it was and be a part of it. I remember telling my team that the most devastating thing for me would be if they cancelled camp. I LOVE camp and I knew taking that away would affect me deeply. Even if I had my trust in the Lord I knew it would hurt and I didn’t want to deal with that.
On April 7th I got an email that said Student Life Camp would be canceling all weeks of camp in June. While this was not ideal I kept the positive attitude that at least we would still get to have half a summer and that was at least something. Then earlier this week I got the email that I had been dreading for months. They have decided to cancel all weeks of summer camp for 2020 due to the effects of COVID19. Now I would like to say I am in complete support of this decision. With the way Student Life runs their camp it just makes sense. Top priority is the safety and health of everyone involved and due to the nature of summer camp being about coming together, social distancing and limited gatherings would hinder the camp experience we know and love. But honestly this SUCKS.
My immediate thoughts:
- God, why are you taking away something that could impact so many people and glorify you in so many ways?
- Why did you allow me to get so excited about something just to take it away before I even really got it?
- AAAAHHHH. Now I don’t have any plans for my life for the foreseeable future and I have a lot of figuring out to do and I know I shouldn’t be stressed because I’m supposed to trust in you but I’m stressed anyways. Sorry and help me, please.
Well, He did help me. Through three different days of attempting to sit before the Lord and just see what He has for me I learned some stuff. I wanted to share these things with you in case you have been talking to the Lord like I have been. (See above bullet points)
Number one. I realized that for the first day and half that I knew about camp being canceled I’d been afraid that now my summer wouldn’t be any good. I had been believing that my plan was the best and now whatever happens it’s a step down but that’s just not true. It could be the best summer I’ve ever had and whether it is or not, this is God’s plan so it’s honestly better than whatever mine was. As far as after summer, I think that was scary because I was afraid I would just be stuck at home without a job like the past 2 months. I’m coming to realize that’s just a lie from Satan so I don’t need to believe that either. I will find some kind of job or something to do. I won’t be jobless forever. It’s like I forgot about my life verse (Isaiah 55:8-9) for a couple days there.
Number two. God’s knows my plan for my life. This is mainly because it’s His plan that He’s just made me excited for. I thought this summer would be the first time for missions and camp to mix for me. It’s not and that’s okay. God took it away. At first I was confused why he would do that. I know that to eventually have a job like that is in his plan and I’ve already been waiting for it so long. Why would he not want to give it to me? I still don’t know but I know it’s just not time yet. He will eventually and when he does it’ll be better than giving it to me now. Waiting for Him to give the okay to move forward to the next step is always worth waiting for. (And ditto to that about my future husband too. Haha.)
Number three. The last little nugget I have realized. When I come across something in scriptures or life that I don’t understand instead of getting frustrated I want to get excited that God is saving something to reveal to me later. When I encounter something in my life that I don’t understand I want it to make me excited for what God has planned. I just think that “I can’t wait for the day that God is going to reveal to me why He’s doing what He’s doing in this season!” is a much more liberating posture to sit in than stressing over this idea that I have to have it all figured out. WELL, GUESS WHAT? We don’t have to have it all figured out! Dang. What a weight off my shoulders.
What am I doing with my life? I have no idea. As a 25 year old I feel pressure from the world around me that I should have a degree, a full time job, and a husband among many other things. Well, I don’t and that’s okay. Instead I have a God who loves me, knows my passions and desires, and has a plan for me. I’m just going along in this life figuring out what that plan is and one thing I know is it’s not going to be boring.
